I was disgusted today. I’ve been disgusted a lot lately. With the world. The people that inhabit it and their actions and their words. Some of these people are friends and some acquaintances and some are just there in the world. Today, caused a stir.

When I heard the verdict of “Not guilty” in the Ghomeshi trial. I was sickened and disgusted. I wasn’t surprised by the verdict, but it didn’t make it sting any less. I’m a father of three young ladies and the husband of a smart, strong woman. My only thought was, “what if it had been them?”

I can understand the verdict, but I don’t agree with it in any way. I can’t. Do you people that agree with it or believe justice was served to Ghomeshi actually believe this was all a farce these women made up? Really? You actually believe they would spill their lives and the worst moments of them in front of everyone in the world to spite this guy? Really?

My views on the case are mine and I don’t expect you to agree with them. What I do expect you to do is understand that maybe my views are based on a sense of knowledge, education and experience. Take them for what they’re worth to you or don’t take them at all, but please don’t continue to make these victims feel bad for trying to tell their story.

I studied psychology. That does not make me an expert. I continue to study different aspects of it on my own and that doesn’t make me an expert either, but it does allow me to have a somewhat educated mind about the human psyche. If an individual needs to beat, hurt, berate, rape or nearly kill someone to enjoy sexual gratification, they do not have a right to said gratification. There is something wrong in their psyche that drives them to this need. There is something wrong with them that this is how they enjoy themselves. They need help.

If someone allows someone else to do these types of things to them, they are not right either. There is something wrong in them and they need help as well. What they don’t need is someone willing to do these things to them. Something or someone put them in a place where this seems ‘ok’. There is a line between what is known as S&M and abuse. And its a lot clearer than some people would like to have themselves believe. The nature of some pornography skews this reality a lot and this is where many young men get there vies on what is right and wrong in sexual conduct. I’m not saying all porn is bad, but the stuff that promotes abuse, gagging, choking and “no, leading to yes.”. Is despicable.

I was never assaulted. I was however, wrongfully accused of assault. An ex-girlfriend, who I hadn’t spoken to in about a year at the time, had an altercation and told the police who questioned her, that I had broke into her house and assaulted her with a weapon. Yes, that happened for real. Both the act and the accusation. After an investigation, it was discovered that I had nothing to do with it. I wasn’t even in the city where it occurred. I was angry. I couldn’t believe someone could just make a statement about somebody and they are assumed ‘guilty’, not ‘innocent’, during the investigation. She recanted her statement and came clean that it was her boyfriend at the time and not me. She had made a mistake. I looked into charging her with defamation, but was told not to bother. I held that anger for a long time. Most people that know me, probably never even heard that story.

Today? I’m no longer angry at her. I was lucky enough to not have any of that situation come back to haunt me later in life. If it had, maybe my views would be different. Maybe I would hold more of a pessimistic view of the accusations that sadly, so few women actually feel strong enough to make. I’m glad I don’t. I’m glad that the first thought that enters my mind when I hear an accusation come forth is that I hope she gets justice. I hope she gets peace. I hope he gets his ass nailed to the wall. Maybe after an investigation, a different story comes out and maybe I change my tune, but maybe, like in this case, I don’t. I still feel that Ghomeshi is a monster. He still deserves to serve time for his actions. If not in prison, in an institution. He’s sick. He really is.

One day, I hope women will be able to stop fearing walking home or wearing something that makes them feel good because some guy can’t control his own his own wants. I hope my daughters never have to deal with this in any way, but I know the odds are stacked against them. The sickening rape culture that I see and read about seems to grow stronger and louder all the time and it scares me. If anything should ever happen, I hope I’ve done my part to make sure they feel strong enough to fight back and come forward without worry of ridicule and disbelief. Believe them. Let them feel free to speak up. Let them know that it is most definitely, NOT THEIR FAULT.