Side stepping the timeline to deliver a special chapter. They’ll be more like this ahead later too. This chapter is all about my step family. In total, I have a step-mother, who I have a brother and sister from and I have a step-father, who technically gives me three (four?) more step brothers. I say technically, because I haven’t seen nor heard from them in over twenty years. I can tell you how many times I’ve seen them on one hand. They were all younger and their mother took them out west a long time ago. I didn’t really care for them anyway to tell you the truth. The oldest seemed more like trouble maker and I never heard a good thing about their mother. But I don’t really know them at all, so I more or less have no real opinion of them. It’s like they don’t exist.

The first one to enter my life was my step-mother. My dad met her while in his bowling league. When my wife decided she wanted to be separated, he joked that I should join a bowling league because it worked for him. I laughed, and said I’ll take my chances elsewhere. Lol My step-mother and I did not always get along. And I’m certain there are times in adulthood when the two of us still don’t see eye to eye, but my overall opinion of her is quite complimentary. She is ten years my dad’s senior and you wouldn’t know it. She is a grandmother and great-grandmother. She is in her seventies and I shit you not, she can probably still kick ass more than most fifty year olds. I work retail and see people of all ages come in to my store and it’s rare that a see someone in their seventies who look like she does. Until recently, she has been more active than most people twenty years younger. If in twenty years, I can still work and walk the bush like she was doing, I’ll be amazed. I already feel like I’m falling apart physically and yet, she just kept going.

Growing up was tough on both of us. I was a good kid. No really, I was. Lol I wasn’t without trouble, but I was better than most. We butted heads a lot. I didn’t want a new mom and I was not convinced she wanted or was ready to handle another teenage son. I think I was ten or twelve when my dad met her and eventually got married to her. She was a mom to me in the way a prison guard took care of her prisoners. She was very strict in comparison to my mother and my father. She had a bad tendency to compare us to her own children that drove me up a wall and made me not want to respect her at all. I was also only ever hit three times in my youth. My grandfather clocked my once when I was younger and she hit me. Twice. The first time was with a dog chain. I don’t think it was intentional. But it happened. The second time, I was being a mouthy teenager. I was in a shitty mood and she was bitching at me about something. I made a comment about her inability to control her grandkids. My niece and nephew from her son. She raised her hand and hit me. I didn’t flinch. I raised my hand back up to return the blow and stood there with my hand in the air and stared at her and then at my dad. He didn’t budge. I dropped my hand and walked out. We were fine the next day. We’ve been mostly fine all the time. I was never afraid to speak my mind to her though and occasionally disrespect her when I felt I was being disrespected.

Our relationship was as much my fault as hers though. I just didn’t feel that bond with her that I had with my mom. But that wasn’t her fault. I was distant. I’ve always been mostly distant with my family. I just haven’t always felt like I belonged. One thing on my distance… when I was a teen, my friends and I used to go camping in the summer. One summer we were in Algonquin park and I called home. My dad asked when I would be home. Weird he didn’t know before I left the house, but anyway…apparently my step-brother was getting married that weekend. Nobody bothered to tell me. I planned a camping trip with my friends. Got permission to go. Left. And then got shit for not being there? Really? How the fuck was I supposed to know? My brother was pretty bent about it at the time. Not sure I ever properly apologized for that. So, sorry Jim. I should have been there, but I honestly had no clue.

Anyway. As an adult, I’ve had nothing but respect for her. My dad is a great guy. But he can be a real pain in the ass to deal with. He’s a born shit disturber and he sometimes forgets where that line is and crosses it. Sometimes he chirps on purpose just to get a reaction. And then when he gets the one he expects, he gets pissed off at her. What the what!?! You did this, old man! But they love each other. And show that side a lot too. The older they get, a little less volatile their relationship is. They’ve argued. Loud. My whole life with them. It’s why it used to seem normal to me to argue with my wife in the same way. Isn’t that just the way married people were? We learned through therapy, that it didn’t have to be that way. More on that later.

My step-brother and step sister were/are ten and eleven years older than me. We were never close when I was younger. That age gap is hard to overcome, I think. They’re both cool people to hang with though. They’re the family you don’t mind seeing at the holidays. They’re both much closer to my sisters than with me.  Like I said, I’ve always just been distant. I come around every now and then, but they all know more about each other than I know about them or they know about me. Except for this blog shit and social media. Open book and all. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  They both have two kids from their first marriage, are both divorced and have been with their current others for quite a long time. My sister re-married, my brother and his “wife” never bothered. They don’t believe they need a piece of paper to be together, I guess and I’m with them on that. I have another nephew from her as well. He’s a good kid. Or adult now, I guess. Lol he’s fully grown and shit. The most fun I’ve ever had with them was up north at my dads place. It was Alicia, Jim, Stacey and myself with my folks. Bonded more then, than we ever had. I’ve never had that moment with my step-sister. She’s great. We’ve just never had a moment though. Both of their current spouses are good people too. I have another niece? and nephew? from her spouse. That sounds shitty that I don’t actually know, but again, I’ve always been distant and I think I’ve only met them a couple times at best. I’m thankful for all of them when we’re together. Even went and had lunch and a couple beers with my brother this last summer. Had a genuine good time. Would love to do it again. But we’ll see if either of us puts any effort into that. Lol

My step-father. It sounds weird to even say it like that. He’s never been a ‘father’ figure of any kind to me. You have to understand that nobody was held higher in my mind, then my dad. I’ve spent my entire life wanting to impress that man and I don’t know how many times I actually have. It’s rare for him to be emotional about me at all. I’m not saying he never has been or I never felt loved, but I was always reaching for something that I never really got. But this isn’t about him. This is about Frank. And that’s who he’s always been. Frank. He may or may not show up at family events. He will always have an opinion and will mostly always be right. Even when he isn’t.  He’s just always been on the peripheral. I’ve never connected with him at all. We talk sports, and he’s shown a genuine love for my children, but there’s just not a lot there for me overall. He’s not a horrible guy, he’s just never been anything to me really. Part of that is probably my fault. For those parts, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be hard on him, but for a guy who has been in my life for almost 30 years, I have almost zero connection to him or his family.
I’ve also gone back and forth with having any respect for him. I have not always liked the way he’s treated my mom over the years and it’s hard to respect someone when you feel like they disrespect your mom. It’s only because of my mom, that I haven’t laid him out. Don’t get me wrong. I can sit in a room with him and have conversations with him and even enjoy the company and time with him. But as I said before, I’ve never had a connection with him, so it makes it difficult. There’s a reason why his section is smaller than my step-moms. She wasn’t peripheral and he was. I never really called her mom, but she definitely felt and acted more like a mom than he did a dad. In his defence, I never lived with him and my mom as a kid and I did live with my step-mom and my dad. I learned a lot from Lil. I’m a clean person, who keeps a clean house because she instilled that in me. I thank her dearly for that. Except for the bit of OCD I have about it. Lol I’m sorry you’ve always been and probably always will be on the periphery, Frank. I think I put you there, but I don’t think you wanted to be any closer anyway.

I feel obligated to add another person in this paragraph. She deserves more than a small paragraph, but we’ll see how long this one is. My younger sister has a best friend from when she was very young. She was always at our house. Always. She was so close to our family that she called my dad, dad. He calls her on her birthday. On her husband’s birthday and on her daughter’s birthday. I’m pretty sure she got the same diamond earrings that my sisters got when they turned nineteen. I’m almost certain she’s in my dad’s will. I always remember hearing her talk about my dad walking her down the aisle at her wedding when they would talk about it too. He filled that father figure role for her. She’s an amazing woman as well. I always thought of her as a sister. Still do, I guess. But she lives on the east coast now and I rarely see her. Oh and that me being distant thing is probably an issue too.